Actually relevant was just a pretty word for it....

In reality, what I should have been saying is that I need to be less selfish....I don't think I even realized at the time that was what I really meant. And I know why. Selfish is such an ugly word....there is nothing attractive about it, and by definition, it has no redeeming qualities....

self·ish (sel′fis̸h)

adjective

1. too much concerned with one's own welfare or interests and having little or no concern for others; self-centered
2. showing or prompted by self-interest

Now, I can't say that I am never unselfish, or that I don't ever think about others...that wouldn't be accurate. Truth is, I do...and actually, a lot. But for some reason I feel God showing me that it just isn't enough...that He has higher expectations of me than this.

As a whole, our society is an extremely self-absorbed one....and if you were to get me on my soap box, I would probably tell you that I think Burger King and their "Have it Your Way" campaign from the 80's really gave us a shove in the wrong direction...but I digress :)

This point was really driven home for me last Sunday during a message from our Teaching Pastor...I don't know if I can do it justice in a shortened form, but I shall try...because it really demonstrates where I am going with all of this...not that we are all horrible excuses for human beings, but that when we step outside of ourselves, wonderful and impactful things can happen....

He was rushing home from church on a Saturday evening, and was on a timeline as he and his wife had to get their son to a game of some sort. At some point in his journey, there was a car that (I believe) had run out of gas, and seemed to be having some difficulty. At first he was trying to figure out how he could get around this annoyance, but then he remembered his New Hope sticker on the back of the car. In addition to that, he felt God nudging him to do something different..so he stopped and helped the driver, who happened to be a woman alone. When they wrapped it all up, he again felt God pushing..so he asked if he could pray with her. Afterwards, she asked him if he went to church somewhere, and he said he did (not revealing he was a Pastor)...she then told him she could really use "some of that"...

Wow...all it took was him to step outside of his circumstances and notice those that another person was in. Think of the missed opportunity if he had just kept trying to hurry home...it seems as though the woman he helped really, really needed what he provided...and she needed it way more than he needed to get home.

How many times in our daily and weekly life do we have that opportunity? Is it when we are in the line at the grocery store, acting as though a two minute wait is such a burden, and making the cashier feel badly for being less speedy? Or is it when a friend calls and just needs an ear, and we rush them off the phone because we are too busy?

As I said before...relevant was a "pretty way" of saying it....

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 2.5

I want to be relevant....

Actually, what I want to be is asleep. But with the combination of too much ice tea today, my sweet Sandy Sue rustling around in her kennel trying to get her spot just right, and this blog percolating in my head...well, let's just say I'll settle for relevant....:)

rel·e·vant adj \ˈre-lə-vənt\

Definition of RELEVANT

1 a : having significant and demonstrable bearing on the matter at hand b : affording evidence tending to prove or disprove the matter at issue or under discussion <relevant testimony> c : having social relevance

I don't really know how I feel about attempting to be so well read and well versed that I can be the definition of "b"....but "a" and "c" somewhat interest me...

When the idea of wanting to "be relevant" began to niggle at my heart, what kept coming to mind was that I wanted to slow down long enough to be present in the lives of those around me...whether that be my daughter, my husband, my mother, or my friends...or my homeschooling peer group....or the kiddos that God gives me every other Sunday morning to share his Word with. By slowing down to be present, quite possibly I can become "relevant" in their lives...their issues and worries...their joys.

I have some sweet, dear friends that would tell me that I am already relevant to them...I know this because some of them heap undeserving praise on me for how much I am there for them, and how I have mattered in their journey. But would they still give me this praise if they knew just how much I was capable of, and then saw that they weren't getting nearly very much of it?

That brings me to "b".....having social relevance....the kicker here is that quite possibly, if I use my blog in way I have envisioned, a couple of things could happen...

I feel as though my blogging could help me grow in many ways....and some of those would help me in my quest to be relevant and present.....but to use my blog to become socially relevant enough to matter..to make a difference...to reach even just one person for Christ....to show even just one person that they matter....what if in doing all of this I run out of time to be relevant and present for those that matter?

I won't give up easily on this one...it may require a higher level of focus than I have used in quite a while...to add in all the "new stuff" while not failing at the "old stuff"...but that's okay..I'm up for it. As Annette Bening's character in "The President", Sydney Ellen Wade, says "I'm equal to the task, Sir".....

This time...seriously...I mean it....

I'm really going to BE a "blogger" now. If you scroll down, you will see the first three posts were sometime last year...yeah, that's quite a lag. Clearly, I just have loads of time on my hands...*laughs hysterically* How, may you ask, will I find the time? :) Well, I'm not really sure...but I can tell you that it seems very important to me now that I begin to document our homeschooling journey (you know, the one that we've been on successfully for almost two years..yeah, that one)......plus, I think I have other things to say. The other day I began a social media campaign for our business (Twitter, Linkedin, WordPress, etc.), and I told a few people that I didn't think I would "tweet" personally..maybe because I didn't think anyone was that interested in what I have to say. But since then (in some sort of delirious state) I have decided that MAYBE I am more interesting than that...that maybe I wanted to be more interesting than that, and talk about things that are relevant to my family, to our homeschooling, to my faith.....

So...if you desire..stay tuned...it just might get a little interesting!!

Twelve Little Blessings......

About a month ago, Todd and I were fortunate enough to be selected as a host home for a group of Senior High girls from New Hope's Revive Weekend for our youth ministry. I felt led to volunteer us for several reasons. First of all, although I teach Kindergarten there on Sundays, I have a special heart for young women, mainly due to a protectiveness I feel towards them...as if possibly by being there for them and sharing the experiences I had in my later teen and early adult years, I can prevent some of them from making some of the choices I did, and perhaps preventing even a tiny bit of pain....or even better, a whole lot of pain. Secondly, I know that many of them need all the love and support they can get...growing up is really tough sometimes, and not everyone has an idyllic situation at home. Thirdly, but just as important, it was for my sweet girl. During her young years, I want her to be able to look past where she is now, and see a glimpse of the amazing journey ahead of her...a journey that can grow her faith beyond what I even knew was possible at her age, or even their age. And that is exactly what she got this weekend....

We had a total of 10 Sr. High girls from both New Hope and a neighboring church where some of their friends are members, and 2 college student Group Leaders who drove in from Texas Tech. These two young ladies have such a special place in their heart for our Revive girls...this was at least their second year to lead a group, and according to them, one of their favorite weekends of the year.

I was asked by Jessica and Molly, our group leaders, to join in the Bible Studies with them...what a privilege that was! It was the first up close look that I had ever had at girls their age with such a heart for The Lord! These girls are so very grounded and centered, and seem to strive to keep their faith at the forefront of how they live their lives, in the very schools and peer groups where that very faith is so often under attack, both directly and indirectly. They incorporate prayer in their daily lives for their friends who are hurting, for their families that have not yet found God in the way that they have, and for The Lord to work in their lives in ways they cannot even begin to imagine. They are kind, loving, and thoughtful....and I have a very special place in my heart for all of them now...

I hope that I was able to give as much to them as they did to me...both for myself and for Zoe....I can say without reservation that although she did not understand everything that was going on around her, she did know that for this entire weekend, this whole group of girls along with many other teens from our church, were all about Jesus...willingly and with passion. And I could not ask for more....

The Devastation of Divorce

It seems like everywhere I turn lately, I am confronted with yet another story of the dissolution of yet another marriage. Even with this all around me, I was still absolutely stunned when I sat in a room full of 5 other women, and out of the 6 of us, I was the only one who was not divorced, about to be divorced, or beginning the process of a divorce.

It literally tore my heart out to hear the stories that these women were telling. One had been divorced for a few years, and you could see that the weight of her situation was still crushing her spirit, although she seemed to be doing her best to move past something that she evidently had no say in in the first place. Another, just beginning the process, was still in the "deer caught in the headlights" phase...she was just doing her best to move through it one step at at a time, trying to figure out how she was going to support herself and her children so that they did not have to uproot their lives from the only home they had ever known. One was almost at the end of the process, and was dealing mostly with things such as who was going to be responsible for what debt, and where would she find a safe place for a single mom with a young son to make their home. Her friend and co-worker was somewhere in the middle of her own, talking about their grown children, and how this had been a long time coming...they just weren't the same people any longer. And the very last one remained mostly silent on the details of her pain....evidently not yet in the place where she was comfortable sharing it with others.

I just sat there, not knowing what to say. I believe that most likely my silence and the wedding ring on my finger betrayed my status as a member of the club they were not going to be a part of anymore. I found myself speechless..as rare as that may be....I just didn't know what to say. I felt that if I opened my mouth, I would inevitably say the wrong thing. And even as I sit here typing, I still don't even know how to put words on the screen that accurately describe how it made me feel to be the only person in the room at that point not having my life changed by circumstances out of my control...circumstances that I wished were not happening....circumstances that were breaking my heart.

I am not going to turn this into a diatribe on the decision that a couple makes when one or both of them wants to end their marriage. Mostly because nothing good would come out of that. And possibly because I am aware just how hard marriage can be. But I am also grateful that I am just as aware of what a blessing it is to have a healthy marriage...not a perfect one, not one that never has it's share of strain or difficulty, but one where the amazing seasons well outweigh the hard ones..and one where both of us are equally as committed to the "forever"..not because we have to be, but because we want to be.

But mostly because I realize that the success of our marriage is directly related to the third person in our marriage...adding God to our marriage adds His love, His magnificence, His splendor. Without His blessings bestowed upon us, I could be just as likely to become the 6th person in the room with my heart in pieces....

Back to the REAL reason for the season......

For the last several years, I have been part of the ranks of parents sneaking around the house when the children were in bed on Christmas Eve, removing at least half of the cookies from the plate and drinking the milk left for our red-suited, white-bearded friend, and making sure that the display of presents left from his bag looked well thought out but not too much so. We tracked Santa online on Norad, and I even went the extra steps to have mail delivered from the North Pole, and uploaded pictures of our living room with presents to a website where you could have Santa "photoshopped" into your home, leaning over his creation, or looking surprised when he was caught red-handed.

This last year, I somewhat suspected that it could be our last to participate in this commercialization of Christmas...Zoe is a very strategical thinker, and had begun asking questions several years ago that showed she was having a difficult time fathoming how Santa got the whole thing done, but of course she still wanted to believe, so she did. However, I was still caught off guard at how the whole thing went down yesterday, in anticipation of a visit from the Easter Bunny...

Z: "Mom, is the Easter Bunny real?"

E: "Well, sweetie, what do you think?"

Z: "Is it a person?"

E: "What do you think?"

We continued with this conversation, going down several paths, until she came to the conclusion that no, she did not think the Easter Bunny was real, at which time we confirmed for her that she was correct. I then asked my husband if he thought we should continue the dialogue, of course referring to debunking the myth of the Easter Bunny's Christmas counterpart. He felt as though we should at least wait until after dinner...for some reason he doubted her ability to handle such news. I of course assured him that she would not only take it in stride, but would most likely not be surprised...and of course I do love being right! :-)

He proceeded to ask her what she thought of Santa, and did she think he was real also? She immediately said that she did not...when I asked her when she figured it out, she said "two minutes ago when you told me the Easter Bunny was you".. :-)

Only a few seconds later the Tooth Fairy was outed as well....

To tell you the truth, I am a bit relieved. While I don't see any reason for a three or four year old not to be completely taken in by the magic of Easter egg hunts or shiny new bikes under the tree that were delivered by a rather large man brought to our home by reindeer, I am of the opinion that my daughter is old enough now to truly focus on the true meaning of these special times of the year. Of course there will still be presents ;-), and we will still look forward to Thanksgiving Day when the decorations can come out of the attic. And I know that she will still have a blast hunting eggs. But now our bunny friend and Santa Claus will no longer be distractions. Since she was old enough to understand, she has known that Christmas was about the birth of our Savior...but for a small child who loves toys as much as the next one, the Santa factor was still pretty huge. Easter Bunny? Not quite so much..but it was still there..just one more thing to take away from the true miracle that we have been given.

So now...we can get back to the REAL reason for the season...

Happy Resurrection Day to all!

Grace Tells Another Story.......

I thought that naming my new blog would be much more laborious than it was...and truly, you don't know the relief I am feeling now that it is done. First of all, the mere thought of truly jumping into the blogging world is at best intimidating, and at worst, mind numbing. For those of you who know me well, you probably know that I don't follow my daughter around with a camera of any kind, I fail to keep up with my scrapbooking, and I, as every mom I know, have a fairly full plate...mom, wife, homeschool teacher, co-owner of a company, and now co-leader of a support group for homeschooling moms....sometimes it just feels like a LOT, but ya know? I wouldn't change a thing. I am BLESSED to be all of these things and more...but to add something else? Even if it is just a blog? :-) Now I'm feeling the sweats come on...

But realistically? I must...I must blog...I must chronicle this amazing and incredible journey that I am on. If for no other reason than for my daughter to see years after we have moved on to other stages of our lives how much I treasured my moments with her...for her to see my faith journey...for her to know how very much she is loved by her most grateful parents...for if some reason I am the first to be separated from my family by the Heavens, they will know that the two of them make up my whole heart. So I strive to add this to my ever growing list of things I do...but to add it not with trepidation, but with high hopes that it will live up to my expectation of what a blog should be.

So the name....

One of my favorite musical groups is the inspirational band "Mercy Me"....and they have a song by this same title. And when I saw the name of that song for the first time, it struck me...grace always DOES tell another story. You can examine more closely any story that you wish, and when viewed with the knowledge that God's grace is bestowed upon those who ask for it and accept it, you will see something different than everyone else sees...IF you see what God wants you to see. Grace....we don't deserve it. And because of that, grace is one of the most difficult concepts for most to grasp. We can't touch it, see it, smell it, hear it....and it completely depends on our faith in God. To this humble blogger, it was not a concept I understood for almost all of my adult life until about two years ago. It's like advanced Christianity, if there is such a term. But once I got it...once I saw that grace was telling another side of a story that I had struggled with for many years, it gave me a peace I cannot even begin to explain to you.

And so now, I look at almost everything I see with different eyes...I try to use the eyes that God would use if He were here with us today. To remind myself that everyone gets that grace if they ask for it...no matter what the earthly price they will pay for their sin is, they still have grace.

My blog will be a collection of stories about my family, my homeschooling journey with my daughter, my faith journey (which was a very long time coming) and my thoughts on everyday life. I considered so many other names that were references to the above topics, but in the end, I want my journal to be about so much more than just those three things....because WE as God's children are about so much more. And I need all the reminders of that that I can get!